Tina Parker was born in 1955 to unique parents and had a very unorthodox upbringing.  She has traveled the world and has “owned” many professions in her time. Martial Arts began as an activity for her son Troy when he was 4. Within a few months, she joined the adult program and never looked back. Tina achieved her first degree black belt in 2002 at the age of 47. She also achieved her full teaching certification that same year. In 2007 she became a second degree black belt, and in 2018, she was awarded her third degree black belt at the age of 63. In 2014, she and her son took ownership of the school upon the retirement of the former director. Working together as a team, they turned the school into a business that today grosses over $300,00 a year. They are known as the “Dynamic Duo” – a rare mother and son team working together to make a positive difference in the life of others. Some ask “Why?”… she asks “Why not?” Tina is living proof that age should never stand in the way of passion or success. She is happily divorced, and living her best life every day with love, laughter and much to be proud of.

My Story…

I was born in England in 1955 into a family of entertainers.  My parents were unique, eccentric and completely mismatched. But they gave me freedom to explore life in my own way, to figure out who I was, and to make my own decisions from an early age. My father was a musician and a wonderfully bizarre spirit, but he was a “Peter Pan”, a careless entrepreneur, and lacked attention to detail, which was ultimately his downfall. I loved him to pieces though, and he gave me unconditional love in the very demanding and structured world that my mother tended to embody. In comparison, my mother was an ambitious woman with a strong work ethic, and a very good head for business. Oh how she loved being in the limelight!

I was put into modeling, baton twirling and theatre arts at a very early age – primarily because my mother needed an accomplished child that she could live through. And I was expected to be good. At everything. Failure was not an option. This diverse parenting style gifted me with a fun, but unusual childhood, albeit a lonely one. My materialistic needs were met by them, but I was primarily raised by my half-sister and a series of nannies, which I learned to easily manipulate from an early age. The result was a fiercely independent child.

In 1957, we emigrated to Canada, traveling by sea on the Queen Mary. We had very little money, as my father was a poor money manager. Our family led quite a nomadic lifestyle, and we moved every couple of years. I learned to make friends quickly and say goodbye equally quickly without a backward glance. This conditioned response has stayed with me to this day. I have the ability to walk out of a situation without fear of loss and develop a new life and friendships for myself. It was all I knew, but it often created a disconnection with others, because I did not have a “normal” history. I have no concept of how it must feel to have friends since grade school, a mother who was domesticated, and a father that was a provider.

Although I was bright in school, I bored easily, and did not always apply myself. I liked school and the social outlet it provided and was a popular student. Most of my best lessons were learned through trial and error. It made me smart and quick witted but did not give me traditional intelligence. For me, this way far surpassed traditional learning styles and cemented knowledge much more effectively, however.  I saw very little point in learning what I didn’t think I would ever use.

Looking back, I can’t honestly recall one solid or memorable piece of advice that my parents ever gave me in terms of my growth or my future. It was just a relationship between 3 people who didn’t really think alike, and I was just part of that package. I don’t believe either of them knew what I really needed.  I remember coming home from school alone at the age of 7, feeding myself, and going back to school. It was completely normal for me. There were few rules, so I learned to make my own, based on the common sense of my age at the time. It was my lifestyle and I knew no other.

When I was 13, we moved back to England because my father’s continually poor financial decisions had forced us into bankruptcy. There was a small inheritance waiting for him in England after the death of his father. School in England was a disaster for me. Although I was smart, I was bold and unafraid, so I often challenged authority. The casual, social nature of Canadian schooling was completely unacceptable in English society, and I was not used to a dictatorship. English grammar school was a real culture shock for me. I rebelled to the point of expulsion, and at the age of 15, I packed up and left home and school and went to London. It wasn’t that unusual at that time to leave home at 15 or 16 and go out on your own. England is a different culture, and many young people left home at that age. I spent the next few years embracing my theatrical background by travelling and doing variety shows in the British Isles and throughout Europe.

I became successful and well known in my category of entertainment, and money was never really an issue. I was able to support myself quite easily from the age of 15. It was shortly after my 18th birthday that I met the man who would become my husband. He was a comedian by profession, and he was older than I was by 13 years. We married in 1977 and I retired from the entertainment industry. Together we purchased a series of small bed and breakfast establishments specifically to house traveling theatricals, but the bottom dropped out of the entertainment business within a couple of years, so we were forced to open the doors to non-theatricals. It was a living, not a life, so we ultimately sold up and moved to Spain.

For five years we ran a boarding kennel in Spain, where we and bred and trained personal protection dogs for wealthy residents of the Costa del Sol. It was a good business but a hard one. We lived quite primitively in a small village well away from civilization, and I felt very disconnected from the world. My husband would go out for hours at a time where he was revered by the locals, and I would be left alone to tend to the business. Spain was very much a man’s society at that time. Women were expected to bear children, cook, clean and tend to the animals, but it was the men who ran the world. I could not understand this type of thought process and resented the lack of equality. People would come and ask questions that only I could answer, yet they would only speak to him.  I found that extraordinarily irritating, and I didn’t understand that mindset as it seemed completely illogical to me. Ultimately the challenges of living in Spain took its toll on us and on our marriage, and I decided to leave and go to Canada alone. Surprisingly, he opted to come with me, so we agreed to give the marriage another shot, sold the business, put a pin in a map, and ended up in Vancouver.

I was happy to be back in Canada, it felt “right” but I needed a purpose. It wasn’t enough for me to just sit and enjoy living somewhere. I began to explore a few options to see what I really wanted to do. I bought a modeling agency. That survived all of five minutes. I became a licensed private investigator. That was another five minutes. I became a driving instructor. That lasted a couple of years. I was good at it, and I liked interacting with kids and adults from all walks of life. Sadly, the directors went through a nasty divorce and the business went bankrupt. I might still be doing it today otherwise.

Eventually, because it was what we knew, we opened up another boarding kennel. But ultimately life went back to the way it was in Spain, with me doing all the grunt work and my husband enjoying all the glory. And that got old…really fast. I remember sitting there one day wondering why I allowed myself to do it. It was not in my nature to take a back seat to anyone or anything. I knew that there had to be something more rewarding than simply facilitating someone else’s dream.

At the age of 38 my son, Troy, came into my life and everything changed. Everything that I thought had been important before took a second place to my son. He was my heart, my reason, my purpose, my entire world.  I continued to work and give my time to my other responsibilities, but my son’s life became more important than anything or anyone, including my husband.

It was when he was 4 that martial arts came into my life. Troy had developed a taste for biting his teachers, and he was becoming very proficient at it. As there was no manual in the afterbirth, I was at a loss as to how to deal with it. Martial arts was suggested as a disciplined activity to help channel this negativity into something more positive. It had an amazing effect on his behaviors, and he loved it! Shortly after Troy began, I too began to train – in my case to help relieve the tension of an unhappy marriage – and we both fell in love with the art. I had no idea at that time how pivotal the decision to enroll him would become in both our futures.

Ultimately the marriage fell apart. We had both tried to make it work – 15 years of trying. In retrospect, I had stayed for all the wrong reasons, but I made peace with that, and we dissolved the marriage remarkably civilly for two people who had somehow become strangers.

I was 51 when we separated. The feeling of freedom was overwhelming. I felt reborn. I had lost part of my identity during the final decade of our marriage, and I needed to find “me” again … the “me” that had been hidden away under the guise of an unhappy union. The “me” that had been buried. It was time to rise again.

The next 5 years were spent working 3 jobs to support my son and myself – I cleaned homes in the mornings, worked in a weight loss center in the afternoons and managed the martial arts dojo that we both trained in during the evenings. It was a surprisingly happy time and my son and I developed a very close relationship. We were both first degree Black Belts by then, with second and third degrees waiting in our future, as well as ultimately taking ownership of the school which had been such an integral part of our lives for so many years.

I didn’t realize at the time that my separation was actually the beginning of my destiny. It came later in life for me than a lot of women, and I have no regrets, because it paved the way for my rebirth and molded who I am today. I am so thankful for all the life lessons I learned through perseverance and endurance during my 30 years of marriage.

What is your mission?

Owning a martial arts school was something that I had not planned for, but something I knew would provide me with the missing link that I had been seeking since I left home so many years before. I started martial arts primarily to get away from my husband and to get rid of daily frustrations – something that gave me independence and a new learning forum. Troy and I connected strongly through our love for it. Little did we know how much of an impact it would have in our futures. Life is the greatest teacher, although we may not always realize that we’re learning valuable lessons as it unfolds before us.

Did you have a breakdown moment?

The sudden death of Sensei Tim (my first Sensei, and greatest friend) in December of 2010 is one of my most memorable breakdown moments. He and I had worked side by side for 12 years. I was a fully qualified instructor by then but had retired from the floor to focus on my new role as Director of Operations. My son was Tim’s apprentice. We were all in shock when we got the news of his passing. He was just a week shy of his 33rd birthday when he died of a rare form of cancer. After his death, I knew that one of two things were going to happen:

1 – The business was going to dissolve, and I was going to become the world’s worst Wal-Mart greeter.

2 – I would have to have to find a way to not allow #1 to happen. Troy was an excellent apprentice, but Tim’s shoes were huge to fill, and I knew that I would need to go back on the floor to help teach until Troy was fully able to take over the teaching on his own.

I remember going into the dojo and just feeling lost and devastated. But I was strong and capable and not about to wallow in self-pity. There was much to be done, and many lives would be affected by my decision. So, I got to work. I had 3 unusual and inexplicable things happen while I was pondering my decision, that reassured me that Tim was somehow still beside me – helping, guiding, encouraging. I feel his presence to this day.

When did you realize that it was all worth it?

When I look into the eyes of my child and see his happiness and strength of purpose. Troy has always had a learning disability, and from day one I’ve always reminded him dyslexia is not a disease or an excuse. It is simply a reason that you may learn differently from other people, and that some things may take you longer to learn. Troy had an exceptional talent for teaching and an empathy for those who learn differently because of his own struggles. Teaching was his happy place and was all he ever wanted to do. I think for me the turning point was how easily and maturely he stepped up to the plate after Tim’s death. He became a young adult almost overnight – way before he should have. His decision to teach has never wavered and I believe his conviction to it becomes stronger every day.

I felt badly because in some ways Troy grew up way too fast. I was concerned he did not have a long enough childhood. But he stood tall and strong in those big shoes, and he moved forward with confidence in every stride. I knew then that I had a responsibility to give him every opportunity to succeed in his goal to become Chief Instructor of his own school.

I look at a goal as a dream with a deadline. His goal was not like “I want to earn a million dollars one day” or “I want to drive a Ferrari.” Those are dreams without deadlines that simply give you a moment of imaginative whimsy. His was a tangible goal and I needed to provide the opportunity for him to succeed.

And so, the journey began…mother and son…working side by side for a collective goal. Not many teenagers work well under their parents and even though I do not classify myself as a “typical” parent, I expected some resentments and challenges from Troy. I never got any. He worked hard to fulfill his commitment. He never wanted to be a fireman, a doctor, a physicist, or create a new universe. He just wanted to teach. And I just wanted to help him learn. The dojo was his “home”, a place where he felt empowered, successful and motivated. I watched him grow and succeed. He would fall down 7 times and get up 8. There was never a moment I second guessed my decision. The culture of the dojo and the people who belong to it were amazingly supportive. He was happy, I was happy, and I didn’t need more than that.

How did you know what to focus on?

I didn’t. I simply focused on the future and the dream. I didn’t look back; I wasn’t going that way. The past wasn’t something I wanted to repeat. It had already taught me my lessons, so I didn’t need to re-learn them. Together, we created simple strategies that worked, and we worked hard to implement them.  I knew that whatever challenges came up, we would overcome them as a team. I would find solutions, I would listen to understand rather than to reply, I would respond with common sense and logic; and I would help Troy learn to do the same. There is something at the end of every day which teaches me something of great value. The trick is being open to learning it.

Do you have regular habits that contribute to your success?

I’m a female director of a primarily male oriented martial arts culture, so I am in a position to bring something unique to that culture. I believe that there is a martial arts school out there for everyone, and that like a great pair of shoes, finding the right “fit” is what people really look for. I have created a welcoming and warm family environment that is very inclusive and non-threatening, but still disciplined and technical.

So, what is my secret? I have “heart” and I inject it into everything I do. It’s who I am. I think there is a place for nurturing in martial arts, and that it shouldn’t be looked upon as a weakness. Old school thinking was that parents registered their child into a school to “toughen up”. Martial Arts, if taught well, provides amazing personal growth within its very structure. The practitioner becomes empowered and strong through learning, rather than through hard physical contact. Training children through pain creates an emotional disconnect to the art, which ultimately leads to fear rather than empowerment. We have to accept that the most productive style of learning is no longer about “suck it up, Princess”. A good school will create a strong body, a great school will create a strong body, a strong mind, and a strong sense of self-worth, with the added bonus of developing heart, empathy, self-discipline and confidence.

I want people to feel that from the moment they walk into my space they’re welcome and important, not just by virtue of being customer, but because of who they are as people. The environment that I chose to create within the dojo is one of welcome, comfort, peace and integrity. Parents can relax and decompress knowing their children are in the best of hands and are having a blast. I’ve had people actually fall asleep in my waiting room. I love that because it tells me that they are comfortable, and they trust us. I provide a place of peace while their children are learning a very, very, very valuable art.

One of the keys to my success is being able to understand how modern-day parents think, and being confident that I can serve their needs through our programming.

I think there’s a perception that female martial artists are not as powerful as men. I challenge that perception. Women think differently to men and their thought processes provide in depth understanding – especially when it comes to children’s education. Power is not simply about strength of body; power is about strength of mind and about logical application. I believe that the female martial artist is every bit as strong as capable as any male counterpart. Life has taught me my lessons well and I stand confidently alongside both male and female educators and practitioners.

Another key is that I’m not afraid of failure. I think a lot of people feel insecure when faced with a new decision or career move. There’s that little voice in the back of their mind that says, “What if I don’t succeed?” But what if you do? I assume success. Failure is a learning experience and usually very temporary. I use it as part of my tool kit to build a stronger platform of success. If something didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea, it simply means that it wasn’t effective in that situation it was applied in.

I get excited by challenges. Usually if you believe you “can” or believe you “can’t”, you are right either way.  Challenges bring out my entrepreneurial side.  I believe in myself and my ability to make a positive difference.  I look at my business as a place where I like to challenge my limits, not limit my challenges.

Strong, methodical business habits are critical in order for me to:

1. Create success in my business.
2. To maintain and grow that success
3. To promote success in others.

Those three levels of success are vastly important because success achievement is not an end game, it’s a new beginning.

• I read anything and everything on business, finances, personal growth, martial arts, fitness, psychology, and anything and everything that relates to my business or to myself.
• I answer all emails and phone calls personally and follow up promptly, without being demanding or pushy. It’s important that clients know they are important enough to be communicating with the director of the company, and not a part time employee.
• I send personal handwritten Thank You notes to clients to connect with them, to thank them, to congratulate them, and to let them know I am grateful for their time and attention.
• I smile all the time. I smile when I answer the phone. I believe it is felt through the conversation. I have a favourite saying: “Attitudes are contagious, is yours worth catching?”
• I solve problems efficiently, effectively and immediately.
• I always have a project I’m learning or working on.
• I am very approachable and have an open-door policy. I give people my undivided and private attention so they can always feel comfortable sharing their thoughts or concerns with me.
• I never back down on issues of disrespect, ethics, discipline, or company policy. Rules are made for a reason and they create a 
  solid structure upon which to grow and develop.
• I have an inclusive payment program system with no hidden costs that’s easy to understand and seamless to apply. This means that after the initial registration appointment, I never need to speak to my clients about money. I can focus on getting to know who they are, not asking for something.
• I pay all my bills immediately I receive the invoices and never carry credit card debt, ever. I also put a percentage of profits into separate savings account to sustain the business in case of emergencies. And I always have at least three to six months of expenses relative to sustaining the business tucked away in a separate account – just in case.
• I surround myself with excellent professionals that add value to my business by providing me with the best of theirs. I seek help when needed, and I follow the advices of the professionals I employ and trust. I do not pretend to know it all or do it all. These professionals back up my business with their knowledge and expertise, freeing me up to concentrate on what I do best.
• I have a business coach who I admire very much. He keeps me centered and asks me difficult questions I have to answer. He also keeps
•  me humble, and encourages me to think outside the box, allowing me to open my mind to other potentials.
• I have regular staff meetings and share my dreams and goals with my instructors on a regular basis, sharing how they are included in that future. I welcome their opinions and suggestions, and always encourage them to be a part of all discussions is a respectful way. They work more efficiently if they feel included and valued as part of the school growth.
• I show my instructors that I appreciate them in small ways all along the year so they know they are important. I treat them to dinner or a move, take them out for the day and gift them at Christmas and on birthdays. I always treat my instructors with respect and courtesy and expect the same in return.
• And finally, I am learning to take better care of myself, because a better “me” will create a better business, a better leader, and a better example to others.

What do you do when things feel hard?

I’m only human.  I get frustrated like everybody else. It would be completely unnatural to say I never have days where I feel like I am treading water or even drowning. My self-talk is:  “Girl, you have done more in your life than most women have done in 3 lifetimes. Pull up your big girl panties and get on with it. Work your magic and finish the day on a positive note and with a smile knowing you did your best. Tomorrow is another day to look at it with fresh eyes.”

When I hit a problem, I try not to look at it with tunnel vision. Logic needs to be applied and I stay focused on the bigger picture. First, I need to ask myself: “Is this a good problem to have or a bad problem to have?” If it’s a good problem to have, it’s still a problem. So, how are we going to create a good result for the good problem? If it’s a bad problem I ask myself what can I do to create a good result from a bad problem?

It is not in my nature to back down from handling a difficult situation.  I simply woman up, face the issue head on, commit to resolving it as quickly and efficie

ntly as I can, qualify someone’s feelings and thank them for bringing it to my attention, and deal with it. This must be done face to face.  If I make a mistake, and it’s happened, I apologize, and I make appropriate restitution. I offer an apology with honesty and integrity. I’ve made tons of mistakes, but I’ve learned something of value from everyone. I follow through on promises and do my utmost to give a bad situation a good ending.

For example, a good problem was the fact we had such dynamic growth of the school since we took it over, that we were outgrowing the space. It was a good problem to have, but still a problem. So, I had to think about how to deal with it when my lease comes up: Do I move to open a bigger facility or expand here. Which will provide a better overall solution to my existing clients and the easiest option for ourselves?

A bad problem I had was a mistake I made in accidentally overcharging a client. I made immediate restitution as soon as I found out and applied potential lost interest. It was 

hard to find the right words without seeming inefficient, but I needed to swallow my pride and expose my human vulnerability. I asked the client if they could come in for an interview and openly admitted my error. As a way of thanking the client for their understanding, I gave their kids some complimentary private lessons. It was a good ending to a bad problem. The family is still with me to this day.

Problems will never get better by leaving them alone, they need immediate attention, and you need to have the ability and strength of mind to rectify them, then let them go. As long as you have done your best to offer a realistic solution in a respectful and timely matter, you need to close the door and move on.

Do you have a biggest fear and how do you overcome it?

This is a tough one…probably if I am being honest, my greatest fear is becoming obsolete and unnecessary. I’ve always been somebody who has been required. From the time I could walk, I was needed. I don’t have normal fears. I am not afraid of being lonely, being without money, or dying alone. I’m not needy or materialistic. I think for me my greatest challenge will come when I am no longer necessary and become obsolete to the business itself. That doesn’t mean at 95 I want to continue to run the show. But I would hope that people would still value my opinion, my experience, and me as a person. I will channel my lifelong love of learning into new projects. I have no doubt there will always be something new to learn and to challenge myself with.

I have a favourite desk sign that says, “Work hard in silence, let success be your noise.” That’s my path. I don’t need accolades. I don’t need awards. This is not about me. It is about creating something magical that will transcend my existence and provide my son with a life of joy and fulfillment, as it has done me. I educate myself and I stay on top of my game. I’m not doing badly for an uneducated 15-year-old who never completed high school and has learned life the hard way. At 64, I feel as vibrant as I did at 24. I do what I love and love what I do. Business doesn’t have to be hard, but you have to work hard for it and on it to be successful, and never assume that you are ever at the end of the road.

Is there something that you still do that doesn’t serve you and why do you think you still do it?

I don’t take enough time off. I come in earlier than I need, and I stay later than I need. In the early creation of the business I worked 14 to 16 hour days. I have a hard job walking away. I thought perhaps initially it was a case of trust and micromanagement, but it isn’t. It’s just my passion, and I am so excited for my life. Although I’m very good at doing everything, I’m very poor at doing nothing. Relaxing and switching off is hard for me. I’m learning to be better, but I find it very hard to slow down. I tried yoga once and thought I would die 😉 Wine helps!  

What is the best piece of advice that you’ve ever gotten that you always follow?

There is only one overriding life rule: “Do the right thing.”

It applies to your personal life, your business life, your friendships, your reputation, and in all you do, say or think. Honesty never goes out of fashion. Ultimately making good judgments depends on it.

What does success feel like to you?

Success feels like a new beginning. It is not the end of the road; it is simply the beginning of a new one. Very much like my first black belt. When I earned that belt, I realized how much I still had to learn. Success is my reward for all the sacrifices and hard work I’ve put in to becoming my best self. In order for it to have value, I must recognize it, nurture it, appreciate it, and pass it on to others, but never take it for granted. For me, it feels like freedom, a perfect glass of wine, and the end of a great chapter of a well-loved book that I look forward to reading over and over again.

~~~~~

What’s inside a Thought Leader’s Soul? I wanted to know!

Years ago I received a Big Magic Idea about discovering the answer to this very question. Instead of just wishing I knew what made thought leaders tick, I got the brilliant idea to interview some thought leaders and then write a book about what I learned. 

That idea struck fear into the very heart of me and I shelved it. I didn’t actually need to know that badly what thought leaders thought or what success principles they lived by or what they did when things got hard. 

The thing with Big Magic Ideas is that they’re insistent and this one wasn’t leaving me alone. I rode the whole roller coaster of
Who am I do do this?
What if no thought leader wants to talk to me?
What if I fail?
…you know…that roller coaster?!

Then I turned 40 and I freaked out a little bit. The Midlife Funk came knocking to help me stop hiding behind fear. So, I made a list of women who I wanted to approach and interview. I reached out to my community to help me put together a list of questions. And I sent the first messages out. 

Many of the women said yes!!

I loved conducting the interviews and hearing their stories, their triumphs, struggles, and wisdom. I was elated. I now had 120 hours of conversation to work with. I got the interviews transcribed and ended up with a gazillion pages of gobbelty gook…the transcriptions were awful! OH NO!! Now what? I don’t have the budget to pay an editor at this point, so I took the next year and a half to fix the transcriptions. 

In the end, the book has turned into a series of blogs with the most important parts of the conversations highlighted. I want the world to know how these thought leaders think and what guides them. Their stories and wisdom are ready to go out into the world